Confession

I have been suffering for depression for years and I want to become better. Happiness is a feeling that I want to be in a constant state of and not just for brief periods of time. Mornings shouldn’t be so hard, I shouldn’t want just to go back to sleep, so I can dream, be warm and safe. I have a bunch of great friends around me, but the one friend that I’ve had to talk to about these issues is no longer in my life. She has turned her back on me when I was there for her through her depression and her cousin’s suicide. My heart is filled with despair and angry toward my friend for leaving me and just despair over what I think of myself. Nothing I do is good enough for me and even though my loving fiance has tried to make me see my worth I don’t see it. I don’t live a hard life and am grateful for what I have and what I’ve done, but I’m not happy. Standing in a crowd and still feeling alone is not a feeling I want anymore. I don’t want to have the urge to drink to make myself numb and to get myself to sleep, so I don’t have to worry about anything. Being happy and having better methods to resolve my issues is what I would like in life right now.